Day 50 - Fallen

"Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8

I have fallen to a level that makes it terribly hard to pull myself up. Winter is having its way with me, but so far I have been able to stay conscious.

The cold, snow, and wind make walking outside close to impossible. The clouds hide the sunshine. My mind craves to eat all the wrong foods – milk chocolate, ice cream, white flour and sugar. I have not been inspired to write for two weeks. I hid from two commitments this week – one being a Bible study, the other a writers’ group – both of which are marvelous groups of Christian love and encouragement.

Like the last few weeks, today did not begin so good, eating the worst breakfast and lunch and wasting lots of time. I skipped my usual time of praying and reading the Bible. From there I attempted to work in the office, only to turn my attention to computer solitaire. Depression is winning. But then, two special emails arrived.

The first contained a photo of a split-level suburban home. My eyes were drawn to the snow covered yard. Upon further observation I noticed the sky above the house; it was blue. I was reminded of my trail scripture, Psalm 121. It begins, "I will lift up my eyes…from whence shall my help come…My help comes from the Lord…" When hiking, if my eyes are looking down, I tend to get tired more quickly, but when I lift them upward, I find strength and energy.

Within the second email I received today, was Philippians 4:8, a verse that also helps me to focus my thoughts away from me.

Theses two passages of scripture gave me strength to focus my mind. It has not been a simple switch, but one which I am again mindful. I am praying, as on the trail, for the strength to take another step in the right direction. I have been searching for alternative answers to keep me from slipping further into the pit of desperation. I have set my heart on praising God for what is good, right, and excellent.

For my afternoon snack, instead of baking a batch of brownies as my mind demanded, I reached for my healthy trail mix. And, as you can see, I began to write. There are a few hours remaining in this day that I might even step onto the treadmill.