I folded towels at the dining room table while the boys watched television. “Hi Honey.” I turned and gave my husband a welcome-home kiss. “The dishwasher flooded the kitchen floor again.”
He continued toward the bedroom choosing his steps through the maize of toys strung out on the living room floor. “What’s for supper? I’m starved; I didn’t have time to eat lunch.”
“I thought maybe you could grill some hamburgers.” I motioned to our ten- and five-year olds to pick up the toys, and then followed my husband to the bedroom. “What are we going to do about the dishwasher?”
My husband made a sudden about-face. “I don’t care.” His eyes fixed on mine.
He continued toward the bedroom choosing his steps through the maize of toys strung out on the living room floor. “What’s for supper? I’m starved; I didn’t have time to eat lunch.”
“I thought maybe you could grill some hamburgers.” I motioned to our ten- and five-year olds to pick up the toys, and then followed my husband to the bedroom. “What are we going to do about the dishwasher?”
My husband made a sudden about-face. “I don’t care.” His eyes fixed on mine.
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The next morning, I attended my weekly Bible study with several other stay-at-home-women from our church and recounted my story. “What do I do?”“He needs his house to be a safe haven,” Irene, the matriarch of our group said. “He wants a stress-free zone in his life.”
“How do I do that?” I searched the faces of these experienced wives for answers.
Donna, the mother of five smiled at me. “You know what time he comes home every day, right?” I nodded yes. “An hour or so before he normally comes home, create a peaceful atmosphere. Have the boys put their toys away and turn off the TV. If time permits, run over the carpet with the vacuum cleaner.”
“I use a menu to lessen the dilemma of what to cook for dinner. By the end of the day, I’m too tired to think about it.” Jo hinted. “I also try to take a 30-minute mid-afternoon break to reenergize me for the late afternoon rush.
“You might even take a peek in the mirror.” A sheepish grin lit Irene’s face. “A little touch up to the face and hair plus a splash of perfume makes you feel better and is a nice way to say, ‘Welcome home’ to a harried husband.”
I went home and heeded the words of my mentor friends. I considered what my husband experienced when he walked into our house.
I gathered clutter and dusted the furniture. I put the kitchen in order, gathered the ingredients for dinner, and set the table. I selected a change of clothes. And then, thirty minutes before the school bus stopped at our driveway, I relaxed in the recliner.
The boys ate a snack and shared their day with me. I explained to them about our new way of welcoming Daddy home. They did their homework, practiced piano, and played with a few toys while watching TV. When they heard the garage door opening they turn the volume low and rushed to put the toys away; I glanced into the mirror.
When he opened the door, I saw my husband lift his nose to catch a whiff of dinner simmering on the stove. His eyes were first drawn to the uncluttered floor, and then to me. I greeted him with a kiss, and he returned it with a hug. The boys giggled.
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That day I learned a homemaker sets the tone for a peaceful, stress-free, and welcoming sanctuary, contrary to a world of chaos.
grew up with a stay-at-home-mom and in the church, but neither prepared me fully for what it has really mean to be a stay at home wife. i think i appreciate the roll more now as i am learning what it means to do it from the heart, at least more than i did growing up. i wasn't completely a women's libber, but i wanted the freedom to be whatever i wanted to. it wasn't until i found my husband and we started talking about getting married that i realized i had no idea what i was getting myself into. i think the hardest thing has been defining my role outside of what the world says it should be. every relationship if different, and what works for some people, won't necessarily work for us. so really sitting down and looking at what needs our relationship had, and what we each needed from it has been the biggest help. its not always the easiest conversation to have, but once we started talking about it, it was alot easier to know what he wanted and expected, and vice versa, than trying to just guess it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your comments "Simply Beadiful." As I said in Part 1, "it ain't easy." It is a process of learning and growing. God will bless you for your heart's desire.
DeleteThis is a great post Merrie ! I feel that the energy of chaos can really damper our personal energies as well. Having dinner ready when my husband gets home or at least plans for dinner if we are going out to eat helps the rest of the evening go a little smoother. He normally eats cafeteria food or fast food so I feel that it is important that he has a hot meal waiting on him. We make it a priority to talk to each other at dinner time about our days and just catch up with one another. Like you stated having things a little organized allows our husbands to have more focus on other things such as spending time with us and our children. I also notice that when my husband notices that I am putting an effort in things around our home he too takes an effort to keep up with his chores and or duties.
ReplyDeleteThanks. You're right, it's not about having a perfect home, a perfect meal, or looking beautiful, it's about making the effort to create a peaceful environment for the whole household...including those of doing what it takes to get there.
DeleteI think that peaceful environment helps everyone, not just your husband too.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely...everyone in the household needs a peaceful environment called home. Thanks.
DeleteYes, a peaceful environment is necessary for everyone - and the homemaker does set the tone, but I hate to take away from the duties of the man and that is to be understanding if things aren't as smooth as desired.
ReplyDeleteI am not, G-d forbid, criticizing anything that you have shared in your post...I agree that women are responsible (as housewives) to create a good atmosphere. I agree that this is as important a job as a job that provides money to pay the bills....
But that is just it...I believe that men all too often think that they can have a bad day, and they do not fully understand or accept that women can have bad days too.
And on those bad days, a man must be extra nice to his wife, which in my opinion, will encourage her to be motivated to do everything she does for her family out of love - rather than duty.
I'm so glad you stopped by again and shared your thoughts. I agree that the husband has responsibilities for creating a peaceful environment; I'm just focusing on my role not his (but I plan to address their role and the kids' role in an upcoming piece). Thanks!
DeleteThat was a great post. I haven't been married for the last forty years but I can understand what you are saying. I now take care of my son-in-law (He is blind and ill) while his wife works.I try to do that for my daughter when she comes home. God Bless all of you stay at home moms. I was a single mom and had no choice.
ReplyDeleteGlenda Parker
http://glendaparkerfictionwriter.blogspot.com
Thanks Glenda. None of our households or roles within them is exactly the same...but when it is in our power to create a sanctuary of peace, we should...as you are doing for your daughter & son-in-law. God bless.
ReplyDelete