Exposing myself…not because I seek your pity, but rather your prayers

“…We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ.”  

2 Corinthians 10:5b ncv

Creation; the act of turning chaos into order. When God called the universe into order, “The earth was formless and void, and darkness was over the surface of the deep…” “In the beginning God created…” and brought order. (Genesis 1)

Where chaos lives, life is out-of-order

“If anyone belongs to Christ, there is a new creation. 

The old things have gone; everything is made new!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 ncv

My life is out-of-order and my mind is in chaos—a state of complete disorder and confusion. The moving events of 2013 certainly account for this disorder and confusion, but there are things I’m not at liberty to speak of yet coming in 2014 that are not helping me calm the chaos.

I met with a lay-counselor last week for the first time while battling a severe cold and bronchitis, which doesn’t help my mind find peace. She gave me some things to think about—no, things to address. I’ll admit to wondering how listing loses in my life would help, but I began the process…including one that caught me by great surprise.

The obvious would be leaving family and friends, our country acreage, the Christmas choir... However, my annual physical brought an emotional trigger and the realization of losing my wonderful doctor. Finding a doctor is always difficult, but not something new in my life of many moves or doctors moving their practices. The acknowledgement of it took me into a terrible downward spiral into the abyss of depression all weekend.

“I want to go home” played over and over in my head.

This morning, as I drug my weakened soul to the throne of God, a voice in my thoughts said, “Why? What would you do differently back ‘home’ that you cannot do here?”

The questions have given me a great deal of pause and ponder.

Taking the thought captive…

“We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. And after you have become fully obedient, we will punish everyone who remains disobedient.” 2 Corinthians 10: 3-6 nlt

I praise God for helping me to capture my thought and take it to His truth filter.

My initial reaction to the Holy Spirit’s questions was “Nothing.” I wouldn’t be doing anything different if I were back “home”…back where we came from.

I praise Him for revealing the lie hidden within it.

Taking thoughts captive when chaos fills my physical world isn’t easy. The move disrupted my life in every physical way possible, but it could not truly disrupt my spiritual being. God is the same no matter where I lay my head to sleep each night. Morning coffee actually tastes the same here as it did in my previous “home.” In many ways they are things that are actually better and simpler. My life isn't worse off. I'm not living in a primitive, 3rd world backwards country. We have all the conveniences of comfort and civilization.

Homesickness plants lies to convince the mind to think the old was better than this new; that change is bad.

Do you struggle when it comes to change in your life? Are you able to take your thoughts captive and take them to Jesus' truth filter?

I pray for the Lord to use Suzanne, my lay-counselor, to help me take more of my chaotic thoughts captive and bring them to God’s filter of truth and order. And I covet your prayers for the same.

(I began this year proclaiming “Steadfast” as my 2014 word; I continue my study of this much needed word in my life. I know God gave it to sustain my faith during this journey of great change.)