I Need to Tell You Something

Dear readers, friends, and prayer warriors,

I have been keeping something from you for months—six months to be exact. About two months after getting the keys to our long sought out Billings’ house—while unpacking, decorating, and making upgrades—my husband’s new employer asked if he would be willing to move to Denver. Yes, we are moving…again. *moan*

I didn’t reveal this to you sooner because I’ve been waiting for more details (aka the relocation offer package). Plus, I wanted to tell my 83-old-mother before I told the world.

There’s something else I have kept from you. Do you remember the counselor I sought? Well, after only two sessions, she determined it unnecessary for her to see me any longer. Yes, my counselor dumped me, rejected me. (This would be the incident and person which I needed to forgive and leave in God’s hands.)

A couple of weeks ago, during a phone call with my mother, she updated me on my brother’s cancer condition. The Hospice care worker said, “His lymph nodes are swollen. It won’t be much longer.”

Pile on some gray skies with snow-rain-melting to increase I’m-tired-of-winter-blues…Yes, I’m down…but not defeated because I am not alone on this journey.

So I will…

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and do not lean on your own understanding.”

Proverbs 3:5, 6 nasb

God is giving me the strength…no…He is carrying me. He is faithful and true. He is my refuge and my strength. I continue to seek Him, to trust Him, and to hold His hand tightly.

My sweet husband has been understanding, compassionate, and helpful. Together, we continue to seek the right professional to get me through these rough days.

“Two people are better than one,

because they get more done by working together.
If one falls down,  the other can help him up.
But it is bad for the person who is alone and falls,
because no one is there to help.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 ncv

A friend, who also deals with anxiety attacks, shared what helps her through sobbing meltdowns. She sings “Hold Me Jesus.” I had another friend who sang “Jesus Loves Me” to get her through the fears of the moment. When my anxious thoughts will allow, I sing “There’s Something About That Name.”

“He put a new song in my mouth,
    a song of praise to our God.
Many people will see this and worship him.
    Then they will trust the Lord.” Psalm 40:3 ncv 

I will survive. I will overcome. I will be stronger and purer in my faith when I get to the other side of this journey…whether here on earth or in my promised Heavenly home. 

“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.” 1 Peter 1:6-7 nlt

When life drags you throw the sludge and muck, what do you do? Do you have a go-to-scripture? Is there a song that lifts you up? Maybe you have a secret place to escape the woes of the world. No matter, you are never alone. There is no place, no thought, no pain which the Lord does not know, see, hear...and is always there for you and for me.

“Hold Me Jesus” by Rich Mullins